


Breakfast in bed

by MadamPuddifoot9



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Fuck freeform, Harry Shum Jr - Freeform, Lemon Cakes, M/M, Malec, Malec fic, Matthew Daddario - Freeform, Misunderstanding, Poor Alec, Poor Magnus, Save Shadowhunters, Self Loathing, Sexy Times, Shadowhunters - Freeform, Shadowhunters sneak peek, malec fanfic, pent up, season 3b
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-29 14:12:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17204852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadamPuddifoot9/pseuds/MadamPuddifoot9
Summary: Magnus brings Alec breakfast in bed with hand squeezed orange juice.But he barely kisses Alec back.Things need to be said and resolved.





	Breakfast in bed

Magnus knew Alec was noticing but he was trying his best to mask his feelings.  
He got up early every day and he showered while Alec was still asleep. It wasn't as if he didn't want to be with him physically, by the angel he did it was just that he couldn't. He couldn't do it. It was easier to keep himself busy instead of thinking about other stuff. So he busied himself juicing another orange by hand. 

"Come on pup, time to rise and face the day!" He set the breakfast tray down and decided to pull the curtains open rather than look at Alec.

He heard Alec moan and roll away from the sunlight.

"Pup?" Alec croaked

Magnus blinked twice as he thought of a new pet name "Panda?" He asked hopefully

"No." Alec deadpanned 

"Oh okay " he shrugged as he retrieved Alec's breakfast.

"Why is it so early?" Alec groaned loudly. It wasn't like Alec to complain about anything, he must be more tired than usual with everything that had happened.

"Oh I've had trouble sleeping with everything that's been going on." He said honestly, although he didn't mention that he couldn't bare to lay beside Alec and just think. 

"Why are you dressed?" Alec added as he sat up and surveyed his boyfriend.

Magnus explained how he went to get fresh oranges from the farmers market although not nearly enough. He looked at the half empty glass while Alec picked up a scone.

"Is it a special occasion?" 

"Well it's your day off and I wanted to make the most of it." He lied quickly with a false smile.

Alec bought into the lie and smiled like a big dork.

"That's actually kind of sweet." He said earnestly and Alec began to lean in. Magnus froze and let Alec begin to kiss him. He pulled back as fast as he could and Alec looked crestfallen so Magnus smiled and pushed the tray even closer to him.

It wasn't like Alec to actually volunteer to take his day off, usually Magnus would have to coax him to stay with him with bribes of sex and kissing and dates. He knew how much the entire institute depended on Alec and with Jace practically AWOL after Clary... And Izzy not being herself he was surprised that Alec hasn't gotten up and gone to work at day break.

Alec dutifully ate his scone and Magnus only managed one bite before he realised how disgusting they were. He must have missed an ingredient. Then Alec climbed out of bed and stretched fully, his beautiful body on full display bar a pair of black underwear. He asked Magnus if they were going out today as he moved slowly towards the bathroom. His hand absentmindedly rubbed the spot in his chest where Jace had pierced him with his arrow. 

Magnus stopped listening, he zoned out and his eyes stared right at the place where the arrow has been one week ago. His whole body felt like it was doused in ice water. 

"Magnus?" Alec said then an he jumped "hello?"

Magnus blinked and looked back at Alec's face.

"Sorry I was just a little distracted." He admitted

Alec raised an eyebrow "oh, did you see something you liked?" He teased, it wasn't always like Alec to be so bold about his body. A line that was usually something he would say 

"Not really." He said thinking of the wound.

"Ouch." Alec said playfully "that's great for my ego." He was laughing but Magnus could see hurt in his eyes.

"Oh wait no." Magnus said standing up from the bed "I didn't mean, Alexander, you misunderstood... Forgive me. I was looking at your..." He couldn't say it. Instead he touched the place on his own chest, over his heart.

Alec looked a little annoyed. "I told you i'm fine. Cat did a good job, it just itches a little. There's not even a mark."

Magnus didn't agree. There may not be a large scar but he was certain he saw a redness, plus the spot was hairless unlike the rest of Alec's chest.

"I know." Magnus said quickly. "Well I'll clean up, you get your shower." He grabbed the tray and walked out as fast as humanly possible.

The kitchen was such a mess, it made Magus miss his magic. He could not be assed cleaning but he had to.

He knew a week ago he would have magicked it all away and Alec would have scolded him for always using his magic to clean up. Alec seemed to enjoy tidying up. Instead he would silence his gorgeous boyfriend with his lips and then join him in the shower until the water ran cold. He'd barely been able to touch Alec since that night.  Guilt consumed him everytime. Alec seemed oblivious most of the time because he didn't blame Magus. But Magnus did blame himself. Everytime he closed his eyes he saw Alec choking on his own blood while he crouched over him completely useless. He'd even told Jace to leave them for fucks sake, forgetting he couldn't activate more runes to help Alec. He sent away the only person there in that moment who could help. He cringed at the memory.  He dropped a glass from his hands and it smashed. 

"Woah." Alec said coming rushing in wearing only a pair of black jeans that rode low on his hips, his hair damp from the shower "are you okay? Watch the glass!"

Alec was back already? How long had he been standing there staring into space and torturing himself.

"Magnus!" Alec scolded and he grabbed a tea towel. "I literally just said..."

Magnus realised that he'd cut himself. Alec was pulling him away and inspecting the damage. It was just a slice but he wrapped his finger up gently anyway. 

"Don't." Magnus said and he pulled his hand away

"Don't what?" Alec said with anger "what is wrong with you?"

"I don't want you to help me, okay? I don't deserve it."

Alec blinked rapidly for a long second. "What do you mean?" He said seriously, he didn't move any closer. "Why would you say that?"

 

Magnus kept his back to Alec "please, it's just easier like this. I don't need you to..."

He heard Alec swallow. "I knew this was coming but I guess I was to afraid to ask." His voice was jaded. "I guess you want me to go?"

Magnus didn't turn around "if that's what you want."

"Of course it's not!" Alec suddenly yelled and Magnus actually jumped. He turned around.  

"Look forget what I said I'm not going because I'm not giving up on us. You don't get to make all the decisions here. I love you, this is a two way relationship and I get to decide if this is over too and I'm not letting you do this!"

Magnus felt shaken at his words. Breaking up?

"Alec... I didn't mean it like that. I don't want to break up. Please don't say that." His eyes suddenly stung, panic rose in his body. He was so afraid of this. "Please give me another chance ... I know I'm not the person you fell in love with but I'm trying."

"Stop. Stop. Magnus, please tell me what the hell is going on because I feel like I'm missing something here. You barely touch me anymore, and when you do you seen half hearted, distant. I miss you, I miss kissing you and touching you. Have I done something or do you not feel the same way now?" 

Magnus' heart was breaking, his poor Alexander, always blaming himself.

"You couldn't be more wrong." He swallowed thickly "it's me. I'm not the same man you fell in love with."

"You are. What are you saying?" 

"I was powerful, I had a name for myself, a title... I'm not even a warlock, I'm mundane now. I'm not what you want." He said honestly, finally voicing these fears.

"Have you lost your mind? I love you. I don't care who or what you are. You're Magnus Bans, you're the man I love. I don't want anything from you but your heart." Alec said fiercely

Magnus' chest rattled in a small sob. He didn't know how much he needed to hear this.

"The reason I've been distance is because I'm so ashamed that I had to kneel by your side and just watch you bleed to death. Helpless; and then when Cat healed you I was so scared to touch you because I didn't want to feel that devastation of losing you again. I've lost so many people over the centuries and I thought I'd made...not peace but I felt I accepted that you were mortal. I guess it took me almost losing you again to make me realise that I can't bare it. You are the love of my life, Alexander. I don't think I'll survive it. That is if I even survive long enough to see you go now I'm mortal myself."

"Don't. There can't be a world without you in it." Alec said sadly 

"I know it madness, that now I'm mortal I should be living each day to my fullest but all I think about, dream about is losing you. Maybe I was subconsciously detaching myself from you to save my broken heart. I'm an idiot."

"Yes." Alec agreed "but you're my idiot. What can we do to make this better? You know I won't give up on returning your magic to you... But you can't just give up in the meanwhile. I miss you so much it hurts."

"You've been here every night since you left the infirmary." 

"But I miss you. I miss your lips and sleeping in your arms and I miss taking you to bed and holding your hand."

Magnus knew it because he missed it too. His mind was afraid to be close to Alec but his very soul ached for him. He knew they were spoiled in their relationship up to now. Physically it couldn't have been better, they enjoyed a very active sex life and it never seemed to slow down like after a honeymoon period. No they craved each other on a whole new level of need. 

Magnus didn't realise quite how badly he'd hurt Alec by letting himself be consumed by fear. He'd made Alec think he didn't want him anymore when it was quite the opposite. He was terrified of losing him forever.

"Can I please hold you now? If you want to that is?" Alec asked 

"I'm afraid that I can't get past this fear. When I lay beside you at night all I think about is the sound of your lungs filling with blood-" he shook as he said it "I can hear it so clearly when I even think about touching you. That why I didn't want you to fix my finger up, I don't deserve it because I didn't help you."

"Okay stop." Alec said loudly "let me tell you this. When Jace-when that thing- stuck my arrow in my chest it felt like the world was slipping away and I thought of my Mom and Dad and Max, Izzy, hell I even thought of Clary. And even though I was slipping I was so glad Jace was with me because he is part of me and that part was still there and alive in him, even when he still wasn't himself, I was so glad I wasn't alone. But the first thing I thought of before Jace or Izzy was you. I just needed you there with me so desperately and then you were! You just materialised and you saved my brother for me, and you came to me and I thought I was dying and I was okay because you were my comfort, and I knew you would remember me, love me. You have no idea how much you just staying with me meant. I wish I could show you so you would let this unnecessary guilt go. So please let it go. Thank you for being there with me. Thank you for not letting me be scared."

Magnus was crying now. He was sobbing and then he was throwing himself into Alec's arms. It almost hurt how hard they held each other,  Magnus wanted to crawl inside Alec and stay there.   
Then Alec was tilting his chin up and kissing him, his own eyes were wet too. Magnus moaned as they joined, the pain in his chest dissolving greatly. He revealed in the feeling of Alec's thumb dragging over his bottom  lip before they opened for each other, tongues dancing and caressing and Magnus' hands desperately wandered over  Alec's  bare chest before they settled on his jeans

"I need you." He pleaded as his hands made work of the button and zipper on Alec's black jeans.

"Please. I need you too." Alec said huskily and then Magnus' hand was slipping into Alec's boxers.

"Fuck, you're so hard." Alec commented as he felt the shape of Magnus through the material of his trousers and jacked him and squeezed.

 

"Bed. Bed now." Magnus ordered 

"This is exactly how I wanted to spend my day off." Alec teased as they pulled each other along 

"We got there in the end." Magnus said happily as Alec backed him into the wall for another desperate snog, impatient as usual. 

They both knew things were far from back to normal yet but they would get there eventually.


End file.
